Just When I Thought it Was Safe to Pick up the Phone

So it's been a while since my last place post, but I got a great call today!

me: Police Dept, this is Russell.

caller: ah yeah. I'm trying to figure out how I should approach this. I lived in Denver for about 30 years and I ran across this practicing witch that did something to me
and I came back to wichita, ks, here, and I've had mental problems and physical problems, heart attacks, strokes, uh, gall bladder attacks, liver problems. uh and it's..

me: hold on sec for me. Okay, where was this?

Caller: Arvada

me: And how long ago?

Caller: Uh this was like 15 years ago but my health is getting worse and uh, apparently i'm supposed to call and turn in some dealer or something--which I don't know anything about. just that he's the possible one that worked in a bar, uh, there, called the Rear Inn.

Caller: The problems I'm havin' are getting worse. As far as I know this should stop it, (By this I think he meant that turning in the drug dealer, he would break the curse, but at this point I was mostly listening to hear what other strange things that might come over the line.) but if not, I'm gonna have to get a lawyer and some police departments...I've tried the FBI, but since I was doing drugs back then they said it was all mental.

Me: Okay...,

Caller: But I know its not

Me: Okay.

Caller: so no one wants to prosecute this gal because... i'm... it's...it's probably hard to find out if they are doing witch craft of black magic or whatever you wanna talk about.

Me: Yeah.

Caller: But i'm dying here. I'm gonna get to where I can't work.

Me: ...And you live in Wichita?

Caller: Yeah.

Me: Have you called your local police department? [This is me trying to pass the buck.]

Caller: Yeah. and they said it was mental. I tried to get a hold of the FBI and I couldn't get past the secretary.

Me: Okay. Yeah. See, the problem is, we really don't have any...there's no criminal statute we could employ to prosecute them.

Caller: Yeah. I know. that's the hard thing. I don't know how to go about getting rid of this, this problem. when I, when I let her live with me, within 2 weeks, they already had the police sayin' that I stole her merchandise and stuff.

Me: Okay...

Caller: So they had something on me. I don't know what it was, er...

Me: Hmm. yeah. there's not really anything we would be able to do for you sir.

Caller: Alright so I guess i'm going to have to get some kind of disability lawyer or something and retire early.

Me: Sounds like it. And you'll probably have to prove your disability is work related... but you've already said it isn't.

Caller: Oh no. It's witchcraft.

Caller: So I'm barkin up a tree.

Me: Yeah. I guess if that's your belief system, you could try and find someone that would do something for you to counteract that.

Caller: Yeah. well, that's what I was trying to see. to see if there was someone that actually believed me and knew what was going on. I mean, you see on tv all the time, these psychics and stuff.

Me: Not necessarily through the police dept. we wouldn't have any resource like that.

Caller: Yeah i know. Um...uh...Gang Related, and stuff like that I know. (I have no idea what the movie has to do with this guy's situation, but whatever...) Alright. I figured I'd try.

Me: No problem. You have a good day sir.

Caller: You too. Bye.