We Don't Do That Here

This just happened today.

Our officer at the municipal court called over to ask us to pick up a woman who came in to turn herself in on an outstanding warrant. Apparently she needed to screw up her courage a little with the prospect of paying or serving a couple days in jail to make restitution for her crime. So she had a couple drinks to take the edge off.

She drives over, gets out of her car, and I imagine, takes a deep breath before walking into the building. Finally, she is ready to take responsibility for her actions. The drinks were helping a lot by this point.

When she got through the double doors, she was probably a little surprised to find a line of people waiting to talk to the Uniforms behind the counters.

Finally, the line moves forward and she tells the official looking man across the counter that she is there to turn herself in on a warrant.

He looked a little puzzled.

She has a warrant out of our city for obstruction, and probably a DUI out of another state, so he could arrest her and take her to jail.

Well it's just that we don't do that here, he told her.

Look this is hard enough for me. Just arrest me and take me to jail.

I'm sorry ma'am. I really can't help you.

Look, I'm drunk. I have to spend 6 day in jail. And all I'm asking is that you arrest me and take me to jail so that I can get this over with.

But ma'am I'm sorry we just don't do that kind of thing.

What do you mean, you don't do that kind of thing. You're the police aren't you?

No ma'am. I'm a mail clerk. This is the post office. I could sell you a book of stamps though, if you'd like.

Great.

The police department is across the street.

When she finally did get to the police department the arresting officer asked her how much she had to drink that morning

Tons she said.